What I've Been Doing Lately

I've been making songs and being handsome.

Make It Rain

Things That Make It Rain:

• Scheduling a picnic
• Going camping
• Leaving my car windows open
• Leaving my drums in the back of my truck overnight just once, JUST ONE TIME
• Various Native American dance rituals
  
• Fat Joe and Lil' Wayne
  

Recent Poll

A recent poll indicates that procrastinators are less likely to get around to participating in polls.

More information coming eventually.

Logic

I don't want to take two trips into the kitchen. I'd rather carry too much stuff all at once and drop everything on the way there.

An Open Letter to Idiots

SHUT THE FUCK UP.

DAMN.

Sincerely,
Eric

My Blog's Two-Year-Old Birthday Party

A Haiku:

It's been two years. And,
Like raising a fat toddler,
I just don't care now.

Fun Word

I think I need to create more situations in which I get to use the word "poppycock."

Doublethink

I just read the classic novel 1984 by George Orwell.

You know how Winston's job is to correct news articles from the past and destroy all evidence that there was ever any information to the contrary?

I do that here all the time.

I've never once made a post without rereading it later and, on second thought, rewording something or taking something out.

I guess it's a good thing nobody reads this.

(And that I'm not in totalitarian control of a dystopian Oceania.)

Things I Don't Get

• Lanyards
• Poodles
• Kids these days
• How you would spell "H" (eightch? aych? eytch?)
• Able-bodied people who stand motionless on escalators, slowly getting to the top instead of just walking and getting there twice as fast
• Japanese culture
• Slow drivers
• North Dakota
• Mega Man (I don't understand. Is he a robot or a man? He's either a robot with a misleading name or a man with misleading robot abilities.)
• TV shows that rely on unrealistic audience laughter
• How I somehow haven't been shocked by a car door all winter
• People who say "asterix," "expresso," or "acrost"
• Why there's a completely unpronounceable "r" in the middle of "February"
• Why capital "i"s look like lowercase "L"s
• Long lists about things that aren't interesting
  

Days Passed Without Accidentally Punching Myself In The Face While Taking Off My Shirt

The Serenity of Senility

Today at work a lady asked me if the store has been busy lately. I said yes, and she said, "Well, the economy must not be so bad anymore. That's a relief."

I'm glad I could solve the economic crisis for her.

I'm Getting Into T-Shirt Design (For Fun) (And Maybe 500 Bucks)

If you've never heard of Design By Humans, you should go there right now because they have amazing T-shirts.

It's an online community where the users vote for and submit shirts. Winners get their shirts printed and 500 bucks (and possibilities to win more later).

It's really fun, and I've gotten into it. I'm going to start designing a bunch of shirts in my spare time.

This is my first design. (Actually, it's my second one, but it's the first one I created specifically for the purpose of submitting it as a T-shirt on DBH.)

You can help me out by going to this link and voting for my design:

http://www.designbyhumans.com/vote/detail/27032

The only thing is you have to register an account. (Mleh.) But it's worth it if you're into design and/or like voting for things.

I Forgot I Had a Blog

Hey, I forgot about this blog of mine. My sincerest apologies go out to my tens of...ones of readers.

I also have one of those "email doohickeys" John McCain has been hearing about lately. I never check for emails because 1. nobody cares and 2. I don't care (see reason 1).

So you can imagine my surprise when a genuine self-proclaimed "fan" sent me an email. Whoop! (I say "whoop" now. Things have changed. There's so much to catch up on. Oh, also I bought a dolphin. It was an accident. Long story.)

Amanda writes:

Dear Eric,

I always check your blog and I'm a big fan. I wanted to tell you a funny story. I was going to check to see if you posted anything new up when I thought that ice cream would be a perfect snack to eat while reading. I pulled out the container and I started reading it. On the Breyers chocolate extra creamy all natural container in the upper righthand corner it says "REAL ICE CREAM". That thought scares me. If this Ice cream is real then what is the other ice cream made out of?

Thanks for the email. I would imagine any interest you have in this blog is going to diminish as soon as you read this post, like a girlfriend who finds out her boyfriend has no other friends, or like a fan of a blog who finds out the blog has no other fans.

Maybe I should pretend I'm more famous on the Internet just so that I don't scare you away. Fans can be flighty. I can't blow this.

Yep, that email was one out of about a thousand. I just randomly pick one every so often and post it on the site. Nothing special. Seriously. 100% truth right there. Low in fat, high in truth, that's what this blog's all about.

Anyway, in response to your observation, most commercial ice cream brands and low-grade fudgesicles are made primarily from dolphin. Don't ask me how I learned that. Again, long story.

Charles Brown

I'm making a cartoon about Charlie Brown as an adult.

It's the tragic yet uplifting struggle of a man whose childhood was wrought with failure and ridicule, overcoming the stress and schoolyard woes of the 1960s suburban social structure with a strong, positive attitude time and time again, learning that with life comes pain and after every failed football kick you still get another attempt, only to grow up to become a mildly successful insurance salesman.

Charles Brown.

Coming Soon.

Look forward to it.

It's one of those boring "What I Did Today!" posts that I always hate reading but tend to write in my own blog because I'm just a hypocrite I guess.

It's 1:54 A.M. and I just got back from a late night stroll. I needed to clear my head, and there's no better way to do that than to walk about a mile and a half to Steak 'N' Shake and get one of those orange cream shakes someone was telling me about that sounded so good. The night is the best time to go on a walk (at least in this area) because you're the only one out. I stood in the middle of a crosswalk of the normally busy I-150 and just stared down the straight line of empty lanes and shining green traffic lights. It was relaxing.

I can never sleep at night. Night time is when my brain turns on, and it won't stop unless I administer a goose tranquilizer or two. (I was going to say something like "horse tranquilizer," but frankly a goose tranquilizer would probably do the job, and what happens if I need to sedate a horse? No need to waste tranquilizers.) It has honestly gotten to the point where the sound of birds chirping and the sight of a sunrise is what makes me tired. How can people sleep when it's so dark out?

Like any sane human being (as far as I'm concerned), I'm in love with music, and I obviously had an iPod in my pocket and headphones on my ears as I took my walk. I've been in a bit of a Coldplay mood lately because of the release of their new album Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends (I prefer to use the full title because it's much better that way). I've always been a casual fan of Coldplay, never really getting deep into their music, but always being able to enjoy it. So I listened to Coldplay throughout my walk. It was the perfect sort of mellow music one should listen to while walking along empty, silent streets.

I had a few of their albums on shuffle, and the second song that came up (after "Viva la Vida," which is a song I quite enjoy) was "Cemeteries of London" (also from Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends). I haven't listened to the album much, so I'm not yet familiar with how most of the songs go. I listened to the opening lyrics of this one and smiled at how perfect they were for the situation.

At night they would go walking ‘til the breaking of the day,
The morning is for sleeping
Through the dark streets they go searching to seek God in their own way
Save the nighttime for your weeping

I thought that was fiarly applicaple to my situation, though I wasn't entirely weeping. Just in a really bad mood.

Anyway, it was a pretty good walk.

Oh, and apparently that particular Steak 'N' Shake is the only one in America not open twenty-four hours.